By: Lauren Liberto
Twenty-eight
years ago, God blessed my parent's with their only baby girl - me. I was not
raised in a church entirely; only attending service on Easter, Christmas,
Mother's Day, etc. So, I knew of God and Jesus Christ, however I never fully
understood how to build a relationship with Him. Up until I was in my late
teens, I thought just believing in God was good enough; that's the way it
was supposed to be I assumed.
Everything in my life seemed perfect.
My parents were great; family life was good; hardly any struggles; had a
great childhood - I was truly blessed. I just did not realize just how
blessed I was.
In 2002 my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon
cancer, again something I did not know much about other than the word CANCER
being directly linked to DEATH in my mind. I was scared, but he fought it
off and on for years.
I graduated from high school in 2004, which
was the first time I made myself proud. Many times I wanted to drop out and
just get my GED, but my parents would have been far less than satisfied had
I gone that route, so I finished strong obtaining my diploma.
Keep
in mind I was smart as I wanted to be. I made Honor Roll once just to prove
to myself I could, and since I knew I could, I was merely okay just getting
passing grades so I could graduate.
I didn't care about my grades.
My mind was elsewhere besides school. I also had no drive to go off to
college. I was satisfied going to community college right up the street from
my parent's house.
Which, I did - along with my high school
sweetheart, whom very quickly found out was going to be a Dad, and I was the
mother. I was eighteen years old when I found out I was pregnant, beginning
the second semester in community college. It was the first time I felt I
failed my parents; that they wanted more from me than to be a teenage
mother.
I was blessed with my son's arrival on October 7, 2005, and
was ready to raise this child, my son, by myself with the help of my
parents. His Dad was involved for a little bit in the beginning (it was
exciting and new), but he wasn't mentally and physically prepared to handle
the demanding responsibilities of parenthood, and he soon steered off not
too much longer later.
I was okay though. I worked, provided for
myself and my son, purchased my own vehicles, and even helped my mom out
with housing expenses. I was good, or so I thought.
I met an older
man I thought was everything for me. I ran off from home; moved to his
hometown in East Texas, and got married in February 2009.
No one
approved of what I had done, so I lost all relationships with everyone in my
family and pretty much everyone in my life, except for my mom who did her
best to hold on. Another surprise came with the announcement of my second
pregnancy with my daughter who would be born November 3, of 2009. I was
married, had two children, struggling to make ends meet, and a husband who
was anything but faithful.
I moved backed to Houston to live in my
parent's house at the end of 2009, because I needed the help and I wanted to
be closer to my dad. He was so disappointed with the decisions I had made in
my life, but he was still my Dad and I loved him, and unfortunately the
Cancer was taking a turn for the worse. Still, I was trying to find a
relationship with someone I could talk to, who would listen, who would care,
but I was turning to all the wrong places.
I turned to drugs: First
marijuana, proceeding to cocaine, then methamphetamines, and narcotic pills,
just whatever would do the trick at the time. I was spiraling down fast and
couldn't help myself all the while watching my dad, who watched me kill
myself with drugs as he himself was dying. My dad passed away on November
27, 2010.
Still looking for something to ease the pain, make me numb
or invisible, I turned back to drugs.
I started working again the
beginning of 2011, maintaining a household and barely making enough to live
with the demands my situation was allowing at the time. My husband wasn't
working, was no help, and our marriage dissipated before my eyes. I filed
for divorce in 2011 and was granted my divorce and freedom in 2012.
I was doing great in my job, wasn't doing drugs, provided for my two
children and my single parent household, and thought I had it all together.
However in 2013, I left my job and moved back in with my widowed mother and
grandmother. Shortly after, I started relationship after relationship with
men, never resulting in anything good. The real story comes now'
In
December of 2014 I was arrested in Harris County on four felony charges and
I was granted a $0 bond, which meant there was no way to get me out of jail.
I had never been in trouble like this. I was so washed out from doing drugs
and living a reckless life that I was wishing that I was dead rather than be
in jail, because I was exhausted from the worthless life I was living.
But, on December 11, 2014, the day I started what would become a few
months incarceration, my life changed for the better. I did something I
wasn't sure if I was doing right or how to do, but I prayed in my head and
said, 'Lord, I'm sorry. I need out of here. I'll do ANYTHING you want me to
God, just get me home please. I'll be good this time.'
I went to
court that next morning and my court appointed attorney said we have to
reset. I had too many charges that needed investigation, and that she would
see me back on January 29, 2015, seven & a half weeks out.
So in
hindsight I was going to be spending the holiday's in jail, and based on my
four state jail felony charges, this was only the beginning.
I got
back to my bunk on D Block in Harris County Jail. I grabbed a little brown
bible offered to you by the chaplaincy department in Harris County Jail, and
I started reading. I would read chapters and chapters in the bible, not
making sense of any of it, then I stopped. I prayed right then, ''God please
help me understand your Word and what you are trying to tell me. Please help
me get through the next 50 days until I see my lawyer again. Please show me
how to live a life for You. I am broken, and I need Your help. Lead me in
the right direction Lord. I want to know You. Help me trust You
Heavenly
Father. I will never leave You Lord. You're are my God.'' At that moment I
had accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior.
I started to attend
church once a week offered by Elevate Church Harris County Jail Campus,
and I cried walking through the doors; I cried through the service; every
week I cried; it was the Holy Spirit in me cleansing my soul.
I
began worshiping constantly; praying all day and all night; talking to God -
just me and Him ' best friends, - and for the first time in my life, I felt
the most free, and wonderful, and loved, and liberated more so than I could
have ever imagined.
I could feel, and to think ' I felt this FREE
behind bars. I did not care at that point what I felt, and how amazing my
God was. I knew that God was doing for me what
I could not do for myself.
At one point He said, 'Lauren, HALT; I had to stop you in your
tracks. I had to put you in jail to save your life. I have a better plan for
you. Take this time in here to know me and understand me and you will
see...' Needless to say I was grateful to be alive. I was grateful to be
somewhere I was fed, given shelter, and given the opportunity to change my
direction.
I started praising the word of God to inmates that had
become my sisters in there. I was using my story to help these young girls
that came and stayed one or two nights in jail - enough to scare them - and
used what God was giving me to make a difference in my life and the lives of
others that came into those four brick walls. I no longer was worried what
would happen on my court date, because God had my back. I stopped counting
the days, because God told me I need not worry.
My faith and passion
for God was shocking to others. They would say 'How can you be so happy in
jail? Aren't you worried about what will happen, etc.' I told everyone that
I could that I was finally free, that the Lord was with me, and He was
walking with me, so the Lord would see that whatever happened with my
punishment would be fit -- He would not allow me to suffer anything that I
could not handle.
My whole life I was chasing after relationships
that couldn't satisfy me. The only problem was is that I was looking in all
the wrong places and in all the wrong people. No man, woman, or person alive
could take the place of my God. He is ever present and has been working on
things for me since before my time. I LOVE my God. I whole heartedly TRUST
my God; I BELIEVE in my God; and I will SERVE my God for eternity.
The Lord Jesus Christ released me from my pain and suffering and instilled
in me a love I never knew I had. I was ready to conquer the world. I was
stepping out as a brand new unimprisoned soul and He was right there walking
with me.
On a Legal Note - The judge dropped two of my felony
charges; gave me two months time served for one felony charge which was then
knocked down to a misdemeanor, and I was given four years Deferred
Adjudication of Guilt, also known as Probation, on the other felony drug
charge. Being on probation entails a lot from an individual. I have a lot of
provisions of where I can and cannot be (no bars, no clubs, no alcohol). I
pay a lot of fees and fines on a monthly basis. I am given frequent and
random drug tests. I do several hours of community service. I attend drug
rehabilitation classes, and I am required to obtain employment immediately.
I am vigorously trying to find a job on a daily basis that will hire a
convicted felon. That is a lot easier said than done.
Through all of
this: My story, my complaints, my wrong doings ' I must say that I would not
change what happened to me for anything ' NOTHING - because all the trials
and tribulations I went through led me to my best friend, the Lord, my
biggest supporter; the love of my life. I do however wish that I could take
back the hurt I caused my loved ones -- my children, my mom and dad, my
grandmother. Because I can't take back what is done, I can only show them
the improved me, the Lauren who KNOWS she's loved and a child of God. The
Lauren that even though her Daddy is no longer physically here - she still
knows her Father walks with her every step of the way.
I wrote a
brief (pretty long actually) story to give my testimony on how our Lord
Jesus Christ not only died on the Cross for me but how he saved me. I firmly
believe in forgiveness. It is harder to forgive sometimes because everyone
has a different story, but the Lord teaches us to forgive one another, which
also allowed me to forgive myself for the things I have done; the harms I
have caused; the bad decisions I have made, and the pain and hurt I have
caused.
My God has a plan for me that is bigger and greater than I
would have ever imagined, and I am finally on my way to serve my purpose
with His lead. Our God is an Awesome God, and more importantly, He is a
forgiving God. I proudly am living my life for Him, and could not feel more
blessed and happy to do so. The power of prayer is amazing, and the love God
has for His children is beautiful.
I challenge anyone who has steered
away from God, or who is unsure of God, to get to know Him. Pray often.
I have found that the moment I laid my life down and surrendered to God
and His will, is the moment that my life finally made sense and the moment I
finally felt that my life had a purpose and that the gifts and talents God
has provided me with, are the tools that I will use to do work for Him. The
bible tells us that we are ' fearfully and wonderfully made', and that is
what makes each of God's children beautifully unique.
I would like to
thank my mother for never giving up on me, even when she should have. She
was always there for me when I needed her. She could have turned her back on
me many of times, but she stayed by me through the worst of all situations
and she continues to support me at my best. I love you Mom.
I would
also like to thank another person who really helped me and inspired me to
make a change within myself, and that is Mrs. Cynthia Corder, the Chaplain
for the female inmates at Harris County Jail, also associated with
Elevate Church - Elevate People, located in Houston, Texas. Without her
testimony, hard work, and pure dedication to her job and what she stands for
as an individual, I would not have been able to make my way back to the Lord
like I did. Many 'Thank you's!!!' to Mrs. Cynthia Corder for helping to make
a difference in my life.
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