Through The Eyes Of A Child
(the john green Story)

By: John Green

As I look back over the years of my life, I’ve often stopped to ask myself why was I born?  What am I doing here?  Why do I always seem to get the dirty end of the stick?

Why can’t I ever get a fair break?  Myself -like so many others – have for years been in search of the answers to these and many other questions about life.

I used to contemplate on these questions for over 37 years and have yet to answer all of them.  But praise God anyhow; because I know in His time He will reveal the answers to me.

I wish to share a portion of my life’s testimony to share how Christ Jesus has worked my life.  It truly has been a long time coming for me to come to that place in Christ where I’m truly content in my soul with how God has been providing for me. Like most, there were many stumbling blocks and pitfalls I had to endure; most due to unwise choices.

As mentioned in another writing (Momma Got Groceries) I expressed how I learned to start having faith in my Lord Jesus Christ.  It was through the example of my Mother, bless her heart.

There came a point in time when my biological father came to Maryland and made momma and us kids pack up what little we owned and put us in his van and moved us to New York City.   My dad moved momma and us into this two-bedroom bungalow in Queens, New York.  He didn’t live with us at first.  But we all soon moved in with him and his live-in girlfriend.  There were many fights about this.  My momma didn’t feel it was right how my dad was forcing her to accept his lifestyle, but she refused to leave without us kids.

I believe all the good I’ve ever learned about Jesus Christ (in spite of all the miracles I’d seen around my momma as a young boy) was destroyed for a very long time in my life. Sadly and regrettably…I chose to learn some lessons the hard way - rebelling against authority.

I remember a time when I was nine years old.  I came home from school beaming with joy.  I just received a yellow shiny star on my homework paper.  It was the very first one I’ve ever gotten and I was so proud of it.  I just had to share my joy with my mother.  But  she was gone.  I lost my mind because nobody would explain what happened.  All my dad would tell me was to “shut up!” and don’t ask questions.  Momma was my closest friend.  I didn’t realize that she was all I was living for, pretty much. 

I became rebellious towards my dad for that.  My behavior turned out to be unacceptable to my dad as well as everyone else who had authority over me.  I just stopped caring anymore. 

[Editor’s Note:  We want to make quick mention of something before continuing.  The path of pain and destruction young people start walking down early in their lives almost always starts from an offense between them and a father or mother.  It can be one major offense, as was this situation, or it can be a series of offenses over time.  If a parent is not wise enough to sense when their child has been emotionally hurt, and ask the child to talk about it, and then minister forgiveness as needed -- a door opens WIDE for the devil to lead that offended, emotionally hurt and wounded child down a path of pain and destruction.  Multitudes of tragic stories have and will be told about children who have had to suffer the rest of their lives when God never intended it to be that way . . . simply because open dialogue with that child of not being able to share hurts and exercising open forgiveness was not administered by the adult to the child before it was too late. 

Please tuck this little insight away and pass it along:  If you are a father, and you do not fulfill your role as a father that God desires for you to fulfill to your children . . . the devil gladly will fill the void -- ultimately becoming your child’s substitute father.  Likewise, mothers, if you do not fulfill your role as a mother to your children, the devil gladly will.  Dad and Mom … if you don’t . . . by default, you may just be handing your child over to the devil to be your substitute].

When I reached the age of 16, I was way out there.  I became totally out of control, so I ended up leaving home.  All the things I had to face on those mean streets weren’t worth all my struggles in order for me to find independence.

You see, I was surviving like some wild man, scratching for scraps from the back of stores.  At that time I honestly didn’t know how to con and steal or even lie.  But you can bet I learned fast on those streets to do whatever it took to survive one day at a time. 

Thinking now on it, I’m in awe of how I made it to the age of 37.  I only can say it had to be the Lord watching over me all those years.  There was one major event that happened when I was running wild that made me pay attention.  There was this one time when I was drugged up and I had tried to enter this grocery store through the vent on the roof, thinking this was going to be biggest score I ever tried – that it would put me on easy street for the rest of my life.  But what I got was the wakeup call of my life.

As I attempted to get down in this small vent with the intent to try to get inside, I ended up kicking on this grill - trying to knock it out. To my surprise, three gunshots rang out and I saw three orangish streaks zip a couple of inches past my face.  I was shocked – struck: I couldn’t move!  My ears were ringing like crazy.  Finally the ringing eased and I climbed out the vent. My eyes caught the sight of three bullet holes in the top of the vent flap.  That was when reality hit me full force.  I had just stared eternity in the face, and I wasn’t prepared for it.

I got busted that night.  God is my witness - I was the happiest criminal that ever was sent to prison.  I smiled for about two months; others couldn’t understand why.  Some may never realize how precious the breath of life is until the day it is almost taken from them.

So I attempted to get my life under control again.  But every time I’ve tried to change for the better, my past always seemed to come back to haunt me and condemn me for all my past wrongs.  Then I realized the reason why I couldn’t find peace was because I was trusting in my own abilities and not the Lord. 

I finally realized and accepted the fact that God won’t settle for second best.  It’s either all or nothing, with God.  Jesus has not only been my Lord and Savior – he’s also been my very best friend. His presence is in me to stay.  For I know without a doubt that my Lord is able to supply all my needs, and with Him in my life there is nothing I can’t achieve if He wills me to … only with His help of course.   

Truly this has been a learning process and only now am I beginning to understand some of the ways of God.  John 12:24-26 speaks about the maturity of life.  “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone (or just a seed).  But if it dies it produces much grain.”

I know it’s a hard and confusing portion of the scripture for some.  But for me it brought peace and a better understanding about my purpose in life.  God’s word has taught me in Galatians 6:7-8 “for he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the spirit will of the sprit reap everlasting life.”  And 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived.  Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers, extortionists; none will inherit the kingdom of God.”

There is a lot of love and grace the Bible teaches about, and thank God for it.  But when we go beyond love and grace and begin to walk in faith in our relationship with Him, His presence in us becomes stronger and his power flows through us in greater measure. So that even through our life’s struggles, God’s Son will be glorified.

I’ve found the answer to a lot of my questions I mentioned in the beginning, but it was all due to the grace and mercy of God that I’m allowed to share this testimony with you at all.  To God be the glory; in His name be blessed.

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God?  If not, you can be.  Do you know what awaits you when you die?  You can have the assurance from the Holy Spirit that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain.  Either Jesus Christ died for yours sins, or He didn't (He did!).  Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to cover your sins?  We plead with you ... please don't make such a tragic mistake.

To be at peace with God; to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity; to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help understand the importance of being reconciled to God.  What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one.  Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life.