Jesus Did It!
By: Pam Wawee
To hear Pam's short testimony on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJO_66XPez8
To hear Pam's full-length testimony on Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/22521844
I was born a with a genetic blood disease, and as a result of this disease, I was in great physical pain all of the time. Because of my constant pain, at an early age I began to resent God for allowing me to be born that way. It is an understatement to say I developed a bad attitude about life in general, starting at a young age.
Although my parents took me to the doctor a lot, they could not find out what was specifically wrong with me. We all struggled a lot with my health issues, as it was not easy for them, or for me.
God blessed me with wonderful Christian parents. I was raised in a godly home, and I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was four years old. Yet my resentment against God kept festering because of my pain, and I grew to resent having God being forced on me (or so that's the way I felt). Deep inside ' I began to like God less and less.
My mom played the piano by ear, and we sang hymns and prayed often. We read scripture ever day, morning and night. We prayed together every morning and night. My dear parents did what they felt was right ' but the seeds of resentment and anger kept growing inside me.
I was able to be gainfully employed at Holland American Wafer Company for almost eight years. I quit there to improve myself financially, and I worked at Westinghouse for 25 years. I was in terrible, constant pain all over my body because of my blood disease, but I took pain meds, and kept on going.
When I was first employed at Westinghouse, I decided to leave God, for a worldly lifestyle of sinful pleasure. I had made friends with the wrong crowd, though I did not care much what God had to think about it. That's what resentment against God will ultimately do to a person.
I was living with my good friend, Pat De Lany, who was very shy and quiet. She had no interest in partying the way I was. I worked second shift, so I would go out after work and play pool, drink alcohol, and smoke cigarettes. Sometimes we would go to somebody's house, or the bar. At the time I thought I was having fun. The seed of rebellion was blossoming into full bloom.
I did not drive a car yet, so I would call Pat and have her come and pick me up. She always came to get me, bless her heart.
I decided to date a man that was married, and at least 25 years older than me. He also worked second shift with me at Westinghouse. I did this for awhile, and then I decided to get a man for Pat; my friend that I was living with. I brought him home to live with us, so he could pay rent to me, and have Pat, at the same time. This went on for a short time.
At the time that I was doing all of this, my friend Pat went with someone that she worked with, to a Women's Aglow meeting. At that meeting, she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. After that, she kept inviting me to go to church with her, at Peoples Church in Grandville, Michigan, but I kept saying no to her, as I did not want anymore church.
While this was going on for several weeks, I worked across the aisle from Henry Gort, at Westinghouse. I had gotten promoted to the office. He was a wonderful Christian man, and he told me every day that what I was doing with my lifestyle was wrong, and not Godly. I told him that I didn't care, and I lipped off at him, but he kept talking with me about it anyway. I told him that I was of age now, and I knew more than he did! He then told me that I didn't know everything. I was absolutely rude to him, and anyone else that got in my way. Rebellion made my heart so hard to what was pleasing to God, and the sobering consequences to what eternity had in store for me if I continued to live the way I was, but by the loving mercy of God ' He chose to let my rebellion go only so far.
One day Pat told me that her suitcases were packed, and that after church on the following Sunday, she was moving out of the apartment that we shared, and she was going to her grandma's to live. She told me that our living conditions were no longer acceptable to her, and that she was very upset with me, if I continued to live like that. She also told me that she was going to be baptized on the following Sunday, at the Peoples Church, by Pastor James Bugg. I said nothing, and I did not see Pat for several days after that.
For some reason that I can't explain, I drove myself to the Peoples Church on the following Sunday evening. I wanted to support my friend Pat on her baptism. I went alone, and I sat in the front row of church. Pat went down in the water for baptism, and when she came up, she saw me sitting in the front row, and she was very surprised! I was crying because I was happy for her turning her life to Jesus. The Holy Spirit was working deep inside me, refusing to let Satan have my soul.
After the baptism, Pastor Bugg had an altar call for salvation, and for people that wanted to get their life turned around for Jesus Christ. I went up to the altar and Pastor Bugg prayed with me, and I turned my life around 180 degrees, and ran back to Jesus! I repented that night for all my sins, and I told Jesus that I was sorry for leaving Him, and I asked Him to please forgive me, and I know that He did.
I cried and prayed for a whole weekend, and I went back to everyone that I hurt, and asked them to forgive me. I went to my mom and dad and told them that I was sorry for all of my past actions, and I told them that I came back to Jesus for good. My mom cried and said to me, 'Pam, you are forgiven, and Dad and I have always loved you, in spite of the past."
I went to Pat and asked her to forgive me, and she did. She did not move out of our apartment.
I went to work on Monday, and I asked Henry Gort to forgive me, and he did. I asked him if we could be friends, and he said yes.
I went down to the shop floor where the married man I was having a relationship with was working, and I told him that he and I were over, and he was shocked. He begged me to stay with him, and I told him that I have decided to follow Jesus, from now on. I told him that I was sorry for my part of our involvement, which was not right, and I asked him to forgive me, and he said nothing.
Since that time, I counseled with Pastor Bugg, for one year, once per week. He and I prayed together and read scripture together, and I became much stronger in Jesus. Henry Gort and I became very good friends, and I'm very good friends with his wife. We prayed together at lunch, at work, and we talked about Jesus every day. Pat and I stayed friends in the Lord, and we prayed together and talked about Jesus every day.
As I reflect today on this experience in my life that happened about 33 years ago, I have been focusing on Jesus first, before anything else, in my life. Jesus had His loving hand on me all the time, and I never realized it.
I've always been happy and stable, but the last 33 years have been the best years of my life, and I never returned to my past lifestyle that was not pleasing to God. The Lord with His mercy and grace has helped me to rise up, above my circumstances, and move forward.
I had to make the decision and the choice, to make Jesus Lord of all, in my life. I wanted to come back to Him, and He knew my heart, and He helped me.
Since that time of my renewal with Jesus, I have been through many trials and temptations in my life. More of these things got worse, since I've rededicated and put my focus on Jesus, but I'm not shaken or worried, because I'm in the loving arms of my Jesus, and that makes me very comforted and strong. All of the credit goes to my Jesus. I know that I know He is always near me.
I just want you to know that I sin every day, and I repent every day, but Jesus blesses me everyday, and He loves me unconditionally. I do not have any identity problems, with Jesus, or myself. I have not arrived yet, but I pray, read, and focus more on Jesus, daily; this gets me through daily.
Now days, with God's help, I decide to turn a test into a testimony, and a mess into a message. I've come to fully realize ALL of us are 'still under God's construction' ' and it'll be that way until it's time for us to go to heaven. Life goes a whole lot better working with God instead of against God. I've learned that from a lot of past pain.
I read Proverbs 3:5-6 daily. It says this: 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.' I realize today that His plan for me is better than my plan.
Today, in 2011, Pat De Lany is still my best friend; Pastor Bugg and his wife Marilyn Bugg are my good friends, and Henry and Lois Gort are also my good friends. Who knows that if this experience had not happened, I may not have had these great people in my life? It's because of Jesus Christ that I have built a wonderful relationship with these people, and I'm forever grateful to God for these people in my life.
In closing, please make Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit, important in your life. Learn to pray first, and genuinely seek the Lord, before you make decisions. Ask God first! When I pray for people, I always pray for wisdom and discernment in their life. If we are real before God, we should be wanting more of Him, and less of ourselves.
God is closer than we think and we should be in awe of Him: He knows everything about us and He sees everything we do.
I'll be praying for each one of you who have read my testimony, that if you are walking in resentment (bitterness; anger) against God, you come to your senses and begin to put Jesus Christ first in your life, no matter how much pain life has handed you. The day came when I realized that God could have taken me straight to heaven at a young age and I would never even be writing this testimony, but God has chosen to birth rich character in me that I would not have once I get to heaven ' had I not experienced the pain I've experienced in this life.
God clearly promises in scripture that if we will bear up under the suffering He allows to visit us in this lifetime, here is the end result:
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the thing which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not see are eternal. (2 Cor. 4:16-18)
It is through suffering that we discover what is truly in our heart.
The person who thanks God for their suffering instead of resents God for their suffering will be rewarded through eternity beyond what is humanly imaginable:
'Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.' (1 Cor. 2:9)
Thank you for reading my testimony, and may God somehow richly bless you for it.
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"And this gospel of the
died for sinners] shall be preached in all the world for a witness
unto all nations; and then shall the end come."
(Quote from Jesus Himself: Matthew 24:14).
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I LEFT GOD, AND I'M SO THANKFUL HE TOOK ME BACK!