HE NEVER GAVE UP ON ME...
(The Anita Martinez Story)
By: Anita Martinez
I am only 27 years old, but I have been through some of the most traumatizing
events for an average person of this age.
It started when I was 19 years old and married my first husband. I can't put my finger on what went wrong, or what I did wrong, per say, but the marriage was never a healthy one. My ex-husband drank heavily and stayed out many nights, sometimes never coming home without so much as a phone call. I can recall being hysterical (and pregnant), calling friend's houses, hospitals, jails, etc...looking for him. I knew one day I would hear a knock at the door, or a phone call to confirm my worst nightmare - that he was involved in a drinking and driving accident, or worse, that he had injured or killed an innocent person.
I was at the point where I just lost all respect for him and my marriage. I started going out to bars, and meeting all kinds of men...married men too. The first affair I had was with a married man, and we continued to see each other just about every other weekend after that. Not once did I have any remorse for what I was doing to his wife, my husband, or anybody. The affairs didn't end with this person, but a total of ten affairs with different men. I thought I was in love with one of these men, and became pregnant with his child. He didn't want anything to do with me after that, much less a child. So, what does any ignorant, selfish woman in my situation do? She takes the cowardly way out - and has an abortion. I'll tell you, the devil was on a role now.
What was going through my mind at the time - I'll give you one guess. The devil was controlling my mind, body and soul and had me convinced that this was the only way to get even. Who was having the last laugh now???? HE WAS! Not me!!!
While all this was going on, my ex and I finally decided to separate. I packed a few things that night and headed toward the front door, with bags in hand. That would be the last time I would ever see my husband carrying my baby girl in his arms...at least standing. The next morning, I received word that he had been in a car accident and that he was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital, and when I finally got there, about 20 pairs of eyes were glaring my way....as if to say, "What kind of wife/mother are you!!!" That's when I heard the news that he had been thrown from his vehicle and could not feel his legs! It actually turned out that he became paralyzed from the chest down, which made it even more difficult.
I left the room because I thought I was gonna pass out, and at the same time, they were wheeling him out of the ER room. He looked up at me, and I at him, and all I could say was..."Don't worry, baby, everything is gonna be OK." He never replied, but just looked away from me.
You can imagine all the guilt, and pain I was suffering from. However, none of it amounted to the pain and suffering he was about to face for the rest of his life.
Since then, my ex and I have divorced, and are living better lives. I will not make excuses for either of us, we simply weren't strong enough in the Lord to fight our demons at the time.
Through the grace of God, I have been forgiven of my past, and cleansed of all my sins. I felt for a long time that I was not worthy of forgiveness and that I should accept my fate. I know now who was lying to me that whole time.
I can feel God's peace in my heart and not a day goes by that I don't thank him for that.
Thank you, Lord, for rescuing me. I promise to serve you, and to do your bidding. I know I am not worthy of your mercy, but you gave it to me anyway. I will love you and no other, and none equal to you. Educate me to teach others your way according to your Word. Help me to understand your teachings, and to pass that on to people who need your guidance as I did and still do! I know that I will never be PERFECT for there was only one perfect person in this world and that was our Lord Jesus Christ, but I will try my best.
Also, I pray for my ex-husband who will ALWAYS have a place in my heart, that he will someday be healed and "walk" with YOU in this life and the next. In Jesus name, Amen and Amen.
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