By:  Ceci Sullivan

God is Spirit, and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth.  - John 4:24 (KJV)

I want to share a little testimony about lying to myself about my motives.  I was carrying a heavy burden on my back because I was not telling myself, God, or anyone else the truth about being motivated by fear. The bible says:  "Whatever is not of faith is sin."  And a terrible thing happens when we lie to ourselves about our motives -- we are given over to the tormentors. (See: 1 John 4:18; Matt. 18:34).  We are like the guy in the children's movie Pilgrims Progress carrying around a heavy burden, that everyone can see but us.  I was living with blinders on my eyes and didn't even know it.  Truth was veiled over my eyes, due to self deception.  I was in the dark to a degree I could not even come out of until I was honest with myself.  

This testimony is filled with great truth that could change someone's life.  Our works are not what God is looking at ultimately -- it's our MOTIVES.  So many Christians do not even get that.  "I the Lord try the reins, to give every man according to His works." (See: Jer. 17:10; Ps 7:9)  The "reins" are what is MOTIVATING us.  It was still easy for me to live in lies, believe lies, and be overcome by the devil's lies.  I had been lying since I was a child; living with liars and no one to help me. I was weak spiritually and there was a reason for it I didn't even see. 

The bible talks about "deceiving and being deceived" in 2 Timothy 3:13 (Amplified Bible):
13But wicked men and imposters will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and leading astray others and being deceived and led astray themselves.
And 2 Thessalonians 2: 9-11 (The Message):

The Anarchist's coming is all Satan's work. All his power and signs and miracles are fake, evil sleight of hand that plays to the gallery of those who hate the truth that could save them. And since they're so obsessed with evil, God rubs their noses in itógives them what they want. Since they refuse to trust truth, they're banished to their chosen world of lies and illusions.

Back to the story.  When I was coming out of the darkness by living with a murderer and rapist, the Lord was leading me to live in the light, walk in the light, speak the truth in love, for we are members one of another. I had met and married Gene, who had been "feeding me with understanding from day one" --  understanding the spiritual curse over my life.

I was raised by people who were not honest with their motives, neither could they help me in my conscience towards God.  They were dead in their conscience, so they could not help me wake up to the voice of the Lord, to lead me into all life and blessings. Dead religion. The Lord found me in my blood, (Ez. 16) and said "live", and brought a man of God into my life to "swaddle" me.  Wow- does that have a deep meaning after just having three new grand-babies in my life that are "swaddled."

Gene and I were on a road trip a few months after we were married, and I broke down hysterically.  I had never really told myself the truth about letting my baby Rachel go stay with my sister, then another sister ... out of fear.  I was fearful of so many things, so many issues, but fear is fear.  I was in a tragedy and only had hope for more tragedy ... but I actually created more tragedy by letting her go.

Now the Lord has turned that all around but I think it is due to telling myself and others the truth.

I could not get the weight off my back. I could not be free, without facing my motives.  And I would have held back God's blessing my situation had I never been willing to face my fear, and realized whatever is not of faith is sin. (See: Romans 14:23).  Most of what I had done in my life up to that point was motivated by fear.  

That's how children often are -- they live in control, lies and fear.  And the Lord wanted to take me to a new level of faith, truth, hope.  And being honest about giving away Rachel due to FEAR of her not getting what she needed ... fear of her having a cursed life with us ... fear upon fear.  And I had actually wounded myself in the heart by letting her go, and wounded the other children, deeply, and I couldn't even see what I was doing.  

I read a book called: TELLING YOURSELF THE TRUTH...... and it helped me untangle some of the lies I had lived in but knowing God, and knowing He is The Spirit Of Truth ... really should tell us all how we are open prey when we lie, and do what we are doing being motivated by fear of not getting our needs met.  It's what Eve did in the garden. It's the age old sin.  And the blinders come off our eyes, when we are honest. ("Give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.")  

When I am honest with God, He helps me understand the wiles of the devil against my soul.  He opens my blind eyes to see. When our heart turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away!  And look how He has blessed me with Rachel, her children, and the curse the devil planned for evil that He turned into good.

Every one of us should have a common thread we can weave through our testimony about lying, going against the voice of God, of love and faith and truth ... and how it shipwrecked our life. Fear is the voice of the stranger and we have all followed it.  That stranger surely isn't our Creator - the Spirit of Truth.  It's the voice of Satan - the spirit of lies that brings fear upon us when we respond - believe ... Satan's lies.

Satan always tells us we will not get what we need, or tell us something to confuse our thinking with Truth ... to bring a barrier between us and God:  "Go ahead and eat the apple, Eve." His tactics have never changed ... though they are subtly deceptive and effective as ever until we begin to dig in and hunger to hear the thoughts of The Spirit of Truth (The Holy Spirit) instead of the spirit of anti-christ. 

The more we desire to please Jesus Christ (emulate; purpose to be like Him) , the easier it becomes to hear the thoughts of The Spirit of Truth, because the Father will make certain of it.

God directs our work in truth, and we are bound to His everlasting covenant with us!  Here are several promises from God of it:
  1. Isaiah 61:8
    For I the LORD love judgment, I hate robbery for burnt offering; and I will direct their work in truth, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.
    Isaiah 61:7-9 (in Context) Isaiah 61 (Whole Chapter)
  2. Zechariah 8:19
    Thus saith the LORD of hosts; The fast of the fourth month, and the fast of the fifth, and the fast of the seventh, and the fast of the tenth, shall be to the house of Judah joy and gladness, and cheerful feasts; therefore love the truth and peace.
    Zechariah 8:18-20 (in Context) Zechariah 8 (Whole Chapter)
  3. Ephesians 4:15
    But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
    Ephesians 4:14-16 (in Context) Ephesians 4 (Whole Chapter)
  4. 2 Thessalonians 2:10
    And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.
    2 Thessalonians 2:9-11 (in Context) 2 Thessalonians 2 (Whole Chapter)
  5. 1 Peter 1:22
    Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:
    1 Peter 1:21-23 (in Context) 1 Peter 1 (Whole Chapter)
  6. 1 John 3:18
    My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and intruth.
    1 John 3:17-19 (in Context) 1 John 3 (Whole Chapter)
  7. 2 John 1:1
    The elder unto the elect lady and her children, whom I love in the truth; and not I only, but also all they that have known the truth;
    2 John 1:1-3 (in Context) 2 John 1 (Whole Chapter)
  8. 2 John 1:3
    Grace be with you, mercy, and peace, from God the Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love.
    2 John 1:2-4 (in Context) 2 John 1 (Whole Chapter)
  9. 3 John 1:1
    The elder unto the well-beloved Gaius, whom I love in the truth.

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