My husband Mike worked long hours. He would come home tired and not have any time to talk to me or listen to what I had to say. I felt that the only time he had for me was when he wanted to have sex. I started a new job and one of my supervisors started to flirt with me. One day after work, we had a drink and talked. He listened to me, and I felt understood. We started to talk on the phone daily, and I found myself getting my emotional needs met by this person who was not my husband.
In my selfishness, I allowed things to escalate, and I began to get my sexual needs met outside of the marriage as well. I did not have a relationship with God, but I still knew deep down inside that what I was doing was wrong. But I rationalized that I was destined for hell anyway so it didn’t matter.
Adultery is so destructive to a marriage. It completely breaks all trust and causes a ton of grief. I would look at my kids and cry because I knew it wasn’t just my husband I was hurting. I was also terrified that my secret was going to get out, and I didn’t know how I was going to hide it. Every time the phone would ring and my husband was home, I would panic and run to the phone to answer it. I was constantly on edge, as I would frequently check the answering machine and caller ID to see if my supervisor called. Every time I was intimate with my husband I would cry. I felt a lot of guilt and sadness. I felt sorry for him since he had no idea that I was being unfaithful. I felt dirty.
I confided in my friend who is a Christian. She reminded me often of Luke 12:3:
“What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.”
Sure enough, the day came when Mike received a phone call from someone who heard that I was having an affair. When he confronted me, I denied it. I felt horrible inside as I tried to cover up one sin with another -- just making matters worse.
Five years after the affair, my friend invited me to a Bible study. It was about loving our husbands. As I sat there, the conviction set in, and it was more than I could handle. I came home and sat down with Mike. I told him I wanted to be a better woman, wife and mother. I looked him in the eye and confessed that I had had an affair five years ago. He was devastated, and my heart was broken for him.
I started to go to church with the kids in hopes of becoming a better person. I thought if I went to church, I could be strong enough to be faithful to my husband.
One day, Mike agreed to go to church with me. He enjoyed the message and expressed an interest in attending every Sunday. Five months later, Mike got a phone call from his best friend’s wife. She informed him that his best friend and I had been seeing each other for the past two months. My old ways had not changed. I’ve heard Joyce Meyer say that sitting in church doesn’t make a person a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage would make him a car. And it’s true. I was attending church services, but I did not have a real relationship with the Lord. I had broken my husband’s heart again…this time with his best friend. Any shred of trust he had in me was gone. I had to quit my job, remove myself from any tempting situation and concentrate on becoming a better person. Why was I consistently unfaithful to my husband? Why couldn’t I be a better wife?
I started to counsel with the pastor for about a month. I knew I had to stop doing the things that I was doing to ruin my marriage. I discovered that I needed to accept that my husband loved me for who I was. I also learned that I needed to love myself in order to love my husband. I came to the realization that if I wanted to change my life, I couldn’t do it alone. Willpower wasn’t enough to stop this destructive pattern in my marriage. We had been married eight years, and our whole marriage was constant fighting, bickering and no trust. I knew that I needed to acknowledge my sins and accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
The pastor came to my house to talk with Mike and ended up leading him to the Lord. Mike said that God had been knocking on the door of his heart for a while, but that he just wasn’t ready to let Him in before. That night, he finally gave his life to the Lord. I noticed the next day that my husband’s demeanor changed. It took a lot more to make him angry. He was calmer and more at peace.
We continued to go to church. Without the distraction of a job, I was able to focus on my marriage and my relationships with my children. Over time things started to get better and better, although there was still unforgiveness that needed to be dealt with. Mike was still holding on to some bitterness, and he didn’t have anyone to confide in and to be mentored by.
I began to pray that the Lord would bring a strong Christian couple into our lives to help Mike truly forgive me, so that we could press forward with our Christian walks. God answered my prayer, and we met a couple that told us about a marriage encounter that they were planning to attend. We had plans for that weekend to go to a body building competition, so we already had child care set up and money saved for it. Oddly, our friend who was going to compete got sick and had to pull out of the competition. I felt like God was opening the door for Mike and I to go to this marriage encounter. There were two spots left. By the time we called to reserve our spot, there was one spot left. That was further confirmation that it was meant to be.
We went on the marriage encounter, and we learned that we needed to leave all the secrets and unforgiveness there at the cross in order to move forward. The pastor talked about the importance of meeting each other’s emotional needs and how vital it is to the marriage not to let anything drive a wedge between us. We learned to quickly deal with issues and pray together to solidify our marriage. A really powerful part of the marriage encounter was when we went forward to a big wooden cross as a couple. We surrendered our marriage and our future to God. We accepted His forgiveness for the wrongs we have committed in the past. I sensed a peace and a safety that no matter what I had to tell Mike that night, it was going to be okay.
We spent hours that night crying and talking about all the things we had kept hidden up to this point in our marriage. We prayed together and asked God to strengthen our hearts and our marriage for our children. Mike asked God to help him truly forgive me for my unfaithfulness. The marriage encounter was the absolute turning point in our marriage. We became friends. And that is something we never were before. The healing and restoration that took place that weekend is supernatural and can ONLY be accomplished by God.
We renewed our vows that
weekend. Although we have technically been married about ten years, we say
that we have only been married one and a half years because when Christ came
into our lives the old passed away and everything became new. I never knew
that it was possible to love someone unconditionally the way that Mike and I
love each other. I thank God daily for saving our marriage. I thank God for
giving Mike the ability to overlook my faults and to love me as God loves me.
If anyone would like to inquire about attending a Marriage Encounter that Mike and I went to, it was held at New Beginnings Christian Church in Salem, Oregon. Their email address is: nbccsalem@qwest.net
Precious Testimonies Staff note: We are so thankful to Mike and Vickie for sharing this testimony. Shame and embarrassment would keep many from allowing a testimony like this to be put on the Internet. It takes great personal courage and a strong devotion to God ... and the things that are near and dear to God's heart - (like restoring "impossible" broken relationships, when the divorce option is so easy) - we believe, to do what they have done ... and although we have not had the privilege of meeting them personally, they certainly have our highest respect.
Having sexual and emotional intimacy outside of marriage with another is biblical grounds for divorce. Yet God never divorces us when we divorce Him. He's always willing to forgive and let the "marriage" be restored between us and Him.
If you happen to be in a marriage relationship right now that seems "impossible" to ever repair ... please know that NO marriage is impossible for God to restore ... if both people are willing to forgive each other, and look for God to rebuild trust, and reignite a Godly love for each other that only God can give. It may be a love of entirely different dimensions than what you've ever known ... but that makes no difference. Love is from God, and what God gives, is only good and healthy.
No condemnation meant here if you aren't able to get hold of God's grace in your troubled marriage. All we want to do is challenge you, and double challenge you ... to give God every chance to do a miracle in your marriage like Mike and Vickie allowed God to do in theirs. It is no more difficult for Jesus to heal a broken marriage than it is for Him to walk on water ... if both couples will reach out for the hand of Jesus to rescue them if they are drowning in pain in their marriage. Giving our personal rights ... our pain ... our mistrust of our spouse ... our weakness(s) of our spouse ... to Jesus -- are the ingredients He uses to effect the miracle.
If you happen to be in a troubled marriage, and your spouse is willing to try out a Marriage Encounter ... miracles abound in how God has restored troubled marriages as people yield to God's awesome restoring power ... through Marriage Encounter. Click HERE to go to their website and find out where the nearest Encounter will be meeting in your area.
(You can also go to Google, Yahoo, or MSN and type in "Marriage Encounter" and up will pop many different Marriage Encounter websites of various denominations.)
