PLEASE LET ME DIE, GOD!
By: Dan Revoir
This testimony is HIGHLY recommended for people who are going through severe trials - especially having to deal with severe health issues, though anyone having emotional struggles with God are also strongly encouraged to read this testimony and view his video testimony as well.
To watch Dan's testimony (with his wife Dorothy) on video, you can click on the following link: Video
To read Dan's full-length book about the trials and suffering he experienced: The Amazing Story Of Dan Revoir: "Please Let Me Die!"
Dan has written another book titled:
The Finger Of God.
Pain! Pain! Pain!
Convulsing, agonizing pain! Worse than anything I had ever experienced or could even imagine! My body engulfed my gut-wrenching, excruciating pain! Like a medieval torture chamber where bodies were torn apart on the rack, it starts to crescendo like a terrible timpani increasing in tempo, until it seems like your are going out of your mind! The unbelievable, terrifying horror reaches the limits of impossibility…and the pain keeps getting worse!
I screamed inside, “It is not possible for anything to hurt this bad! I’ve reached my threshold of pain tolerance. This madness must stop or I will pass out!”
Maybe it’s a prayer or a cry of desperation from the depths of my soul but the darkness and peace do not come. Instead, the world starts spinning, waves of nausea overwhelm my body, dizziness sets in, and in seconds I am soaked with perspiration, reeling like a whirling dervish. The vomiting starts, as I lie curled up in the fetal position on the floor! Gagging begins. Retching and vomiting continues in a never-ending cycle, gasping for air as torrents of vomit spew from my convulsing body! Could it be? Is it possible that I could suffocate or possibly drown in my own vomit?
Keep breathing! You have to have air! What a horrible, disgusting way to die, suffocating with your lungs filled with vomit. I just want to get it over with and stop fighting the retching; maybe after this terrible bout is finished there will be a brief reprieve – a time to lie on the floor and rest for a few minutes before it starts again!
It does not stop; but now it’s a bitter, foul-tasting green fluid erupting like some creature in a horror movie. Again and again, over and over the unseen assailant stabs his knife into my guts. Stabbing and slashing like a crazed maniac trying to disembowel his victim, not satisfied with just killing but taking greatest pleasure in watching him writhe in agony waiting for him to die!
God, where are you? I need you now! The pangs of death are upon me! God, where is your grace and mercy?! God, please, I beg of you, let this be the worst nightmare I have ever had! Please, God, please let me wake up and find myself in my bed, soaked with sweat, with my blankets twisted about me! God, please! Please, let me wake up! Please, let this be a terrible nightmare!
Martha, my wife, wore a horrified expression on her face as she looked in disbelief at the carnage that laid on the floor; it mirrored the living hell that I had entered into a few moments ago.
“Get me to the hospital,” the words poured out between the spasms of vomiting. My precious wife tried to help me get dressed to go out in the blizzard we were having in South Boardman, Michigan. This was very difficult since she was on crutches and had a full cast on her left leg. Controlled panic is the only words to describe her actions. What a pathetic sight it must have been to see this little five foot, four inch, 120 pound woman trying to help a hulking six foot, three inch, 217 pound man though the door. We were bundled up against the cold, carrying a wastepaper basket for me to use for vomiting.
The stinging cold snaps me back to reality, which brings coldness to the pit of my being. This is not a dream; this is really happening! I am not having a nightmare. This is reality! It is actually happening to me!
The doctor at Kalkaska Medical Center admitted me and immediately gave me a shot for the nausea and pain. No results. The vomiting was still intense only now the emesis pan contained only bile. Another pain shot. No relief…nothing touched the pain. The doctor’s diagnosis was a gall bladder attack but by morning they realized something was dreadfully wrong. I was transported to Munson Medical Center in Traverse City, Michigan. The pain never stopped or even reached a point of being tolerable. A series of x-rays were taken and a nasal-gastro (N.G.) tube was inserted through my nose into my stomach in order to stop the vomiting. My heart rate began to climb because of the incessant pain so the doctor admitted me to the Intensive Care Unit. My heart was pounding at the rate of over 250 beats a minute! They expected my heart to stop and cautioned Martha that my condition was critical. Then things took a turn for the worse!
This was not the first time we had been in ICU. It seemed that doctors and hospitals and ICU wards had played a major part of our married life.
Several Painful Weeks Later …
I had surgery on March 5, 1986, six weeks after the onset of my initial attack. Dr. Benner’s suspicions were correct, his diagnosis: acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis. An abscess had formed on my pancreas and had ruptured into my body cavity. The “fluid” made up of infectious poison and enzymes destroy or “eat up” everything it touches and keeps spreading to all parts of the body. Another man about my age was admitted to Munson Hospital with the same disease and he only lasted two days.
The sentence of death was upon me and there was only one person in the universe that I could turn to, my heavenly Father. Life is His to take or give. My condition was classified beyond critical to grave. There was no hope. The nurses in ICU would hug Martha and tell her there was no change. Actually, there was no chance.
My body began to swell and I continued to vomit the sickly, black fluid. Once again, the horrible nightmare started to spread throughout my entire abdominal cavity. It was necessary for them to remove all my organs to facilitate cleaning out the infection, which had spread all the way around my ribs into my back. This sounds rather ghastly, but the saber slash had not been sutured after the first surgery since this facilitated the nurses cleansing out as much infection as they could reach. During the second surgery they removed my gall bladder and as much of the pancreas and gangrenous tissue as possible. Then they flushed out my whole body and inserted five large drains in my back with pumps on them to pump out the infection. Surgery required 12 units of blood and it lasted for about seven hours. Again, they did not suture the gaping wound across my stomach.
Upon returning from surgery, 28 tubes protruded in and out of my body; the average human body has seven openings. A machine accomplished my breathing.
My family was horrified when they brought me back from surgery. Martha’s reaction was that I looked like a monster! Again, my body was swollen at least three times the normal size. They had just covered me with a wet towel. The second “saber slash” was wide open and I was covered with blood. The sheet was covered with blood. “We knew you were going to die at any moment,” the doctor told us.
I was having a discussion with my two brothers who work in a jeweler’s shop. The topic was old gold. They had several old brooches and necklaces, and some well-worn rings. At first appearance it seemed to be just a bunch of worthless junk costume jewelry. My brother John laughed at my observation, saying there’s no such thing as junk gold jewelry because it merely needs to be put in a crucible and melted and it would once again become pure gold. The crucible is a container which withstands very high temperatures and it is used to melt precious metals. The gold of my faith has been gathered in bits and pieces through accidents, surgeries, and a variety of pain… some of which seemed to be useless or of no consequence like the junk gold. But it was as though God was putting them all into an unseen crucible to which there was still another element that needed to be added before it could be put into the furnace.
There is a broad spectrum of pain that can range from discomfort at one end, to excruciating, agonizing pain at the other end, which will drive a person to the verge of suicide. I talked with a doctor one day about the most severe pain a person can endure. Of course, a person’s tolerance for pain is a decided factor. But there is pain that is worse than physical pain. Pain that rips and tears the heart and soul but never leaves a visible scar. He enumerated the four worse pains a person can experience in the medical realm:
1) An aneurysm (or the ballooning of an artery in the heart) before it ruptures
2) A tick that goes through the cheek like a red hot rod of steel
3) A person in the advanced stages of bone cancer; and
4) Acute pancreatitis
These pains are impervious to any pain medication and can cause those patients to commit suicide out of sheer desperation. It is pain which makes you sick in your innermost being, when you have that overwhelming, depressing, feeling that no one in the world can understand, unless they have been there.
Another strange force started inside me. A terrible rage overwhelmed me. I begged for enough water to wet my tongue. It was denied! I asked for a sheet to keep the ice from touching me and it was denied! And I could not see any reason for it; I was going to die anyway. So I responded in anger. I was furious. I started tearing out the tubes in my mouth and nose. The doctors patiently, stubbornly reinserted them. Then I would pull them out again. Over and over and over we repeated this procedure until they restrained me. Even while restrained I would crouch over until I could reach the tubes and jerk them out again. Martha said that when she came into my room I would be holding the sides of the bed shaking my head in anger. Later they performed a tracheotomy on me, probably figuring that would be harder for me to tear out. Like a wounded animal, I reached the primeval instinct of fighting for survival or struggling to die.
Yes … I became angry with God in some of my weakest moments. From the depths of my soul I cried, “It is enough! God, let me die! God, I want to come home. I cannot stand the pain any longer. Father, you promise in your Word that you are faithful and would not allow us to be tested above what we are able to bear. You promise you will provide a way of escape, in order that we can bear it. You swore by your own Name to keep every promise in your Word. Father, God, you are bound by your own Word and if you fail to keep it, then you are not God! I cannot stand the pain. I have reached my last limit of endurance. God, please help me…or let me die!”
Editor’s note: God answered His cry, but not nearly as quickly as Dan would have liked at the time. There is so much for him to tell and you can hear about it if you want.
What you have just read are just a few excerpts from the book Dan has written about just ONE of the many incidences of suffering he has gone through, albeit probably the most intense. A renowned medical doctor from Ann Arbor Medical Clinic, where Dan eventually ended up for treatment of his pancreatitis, said Dan is the only survivor he knows of that has ever lived through such an acute attack of the disease. Dan told the doctor, “It was only because God kept me alive. It was nothing I did. God kept me around to do more work for Him evidently.” People who know Dan’s life story refer to him as “The Miracle Man,” because he should have died a long time ago, but by the grace of God he keeps on ticking.
Dan Revoir has a significant testimony to tell, and if you ever get a chance to hear him preach, I would strongly encourage you to do so. He has been at death’s door and recovered to share the lessons learned there with us all. But his pain was not without gain. His journey into extreme suffering has given him a deep compassion for all other sufferers and an understanding of their struggles with depression and despair.
If you are hurting, I would encourage you to pray about reading this book, or obtain a copy for someone close to you who is hurting. I personally have never read any account of such painful suffering, nor the understanding Dan has gleamed from scriptures given to us from the Bible regarding suffering unjustly. Partaking of “the sufferings of Christ” is something brother Dan is very intimate with, as you might be as well.
Scriptures such as: “We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed – always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifest in our body. (2 Corinthians 3:8-10)
And, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 3:16-18).
Something else I’ll say that you will be hard pressed to hear come from brother Dan is this: I believe the suffering Dan has undergone has qualified him to walk in some spiritual dimensions of God's power not many Christians walk in. Dan has and is being used of the Lord to pray prayers for others who are in terminal situations that are nothing short of miraculous, to the glory of God. If you have a loved one who the doctors essentially have given up on, I would encourage you to pray about contacting brother Dan. See if God wants to use him to manifest God’s glory in the situation.
The one thing of many things that attracts me the most to brother Dan is his incessant demand that no one give him any glory or recognition for being used of God to see others touched by the power of God, and wisely so. He has a solemn knowing that if he takes a molecule of God’s glory for himself … he knows that God might quit using him to affect god-glorifying healings in the lives of others.
To order a copy of Dan's precious, 114 page book written to offer comfort and insight to the suffering, titled: Please let Me Die! - You can obtain one by emailing or writing the address below. It is made available for $9.95. Postage and handling is included in this price. Or - you can also read it for FREE on the Internet by clicking on the following link: The Amazing Story Of Dan Revoir: "Please Let Me Die!"
Dan has also written a second book that you will greatly enjoy reading: The Finger Of God
Dan's Contact Information:
Dan (and "Sweet" Martha) Revoir
917 Dorothy N.W.
Grand Rapids, MI 49504
Among many other giftings from God, Dan is a dedicated powerful prayer warrior. If you sense the Lord moving you to contact brother Dan, be encouraged to do so. It's best to first email him to set up an arranged time for him to be by the phone, so you won't have to leave phone messages.
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