ANXIOUS TO SEE MY FATHER
Jesus Did It!
By: Rodney Armstrong
My father had died when I was only two years old, so I don't remember him, and I never had the opportunity to actually come to know him; family members told me we were close to one-another. Upon his death, he left behind a two-year-old son, and a two-week-old daughter with his passing. My mother eventually remarried my step-father when I was about four years old. This is where my journey of pain, misery, torment, and suffering begins.
I didn't have a very good childhood. I was abused in every way possibly conceivable from age five on up. My stepfather and I did not get along because I was not his own flesh or blood. I didn't grow up knowing of God. I was a small child, so I got picked on, and ridiculed a lot during this time. I became a special-education student from second grade on to graduation. It was constantly expressed while growing up that I would never amount to anything, my parents regretted my birth, and these are the memories of the things that I experienced during my childhood.
All I ever wanted was for someone to love me, tell me that they were proud of me and my accomplishments. I remember they took me to a doctor when I was six years old because they felt that I had a problem sitting still. The doctor diagnosed me with a behavior disorder known as Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, and I was prescribed the drug Ritalin, which was working, but my parents didn't like the affects it caused me, so they discontinued it after only a month and I began causing problems.
I never actually felt like I fit in or belonged anywhere, especially at home in the presence of my stepfather's side of the family. It seemed like no matter what I did, or how it was done, it was never good enough for any one of them. Their attitude made me feel like an outsider and this is precisely what it made me feel like. During my growing up, we (my sister and I) were not allowed to see or visit our real father's side of the family. We missed out on that, they did love us and wanted to spend time with us but my stepfather would not allow it.
It seemed like the relatives on my stepfather's side of the family were always saying negative things about me or looking down on me without regard or reason. My stepfather's children were always treated better than me or my sister. When I became a teenager, I began experimenting with alcohol and smoking marijuana to escape the reality of this torment being suffered.
I always believed and knew in my mind that there is a God, but I was never taught about Jesus or Salvation through knowing Christ. By the time I graduated I was almost 26 years old, but looked about thirteen. I looked very young, and still very immature and in some cases still am. I am 32 years old but still look very young. By the time I was in my twenties, my experimentation had led me to try everything from huffing to injecting drugs intravenously. Over the years I became dependent on drugs and alcohol to get me through the hard times, but after a while they were only making things worse. I was lonely and empty on the inside. I had moved to Arizona and was getting into trouble regularly out there. Just when I thought that I couldn't get any lower or things in my life couldn't get any worse, I was kidnapped, held at knife point and raped repeatedly for five days.
As a result nothing else mattered... I had lost it all and it destroyed me on the inside. My addiction became worse; I began abusing these substances even more, and at this point my attitude changed drastically in that I no longer cared anymore about anything. It was so bad that I didn't have the desire to even live, and even then, I felt like I was still alone with on one there to comfort me through this time. I tried to commit suicide by cutting my arms with broken glass several times. I was committed to a mental hospital for treatment, was released, went back into the same cycle of abusing substances and getting into more trouble. I was referred to the mental health department which, in turn arranged for me to attend counseling sessions with christian counselor named Jim White who got me into a program in 1993 called Teen Challenge. This counselor and his wife were good Christian mentors to me, and this is when and where I came to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
During that time, I went through some programs to learn about God, His Word, and was filled with the Holy Spirit with the gift of speaking in tongues. I received that alone while praising and seeking God - He descended upon me and touched me in a mighty way. It was a great experience there at Teen Challenge. I left and traveled to Pennsylvania to attend David Wilkerson's Bible College called Mount Zion School of Ministry where God moved and changed my life in another way. These two places were the best years of my life that can be remembered. After attending these programs, my journey returned me back to my home where these feelings of loneliness, resentment, and abandonment resurrected themselves. I backslid into my old ways of coping, the only way I knew how was to rely on drinking and drugs to ease my suffering.
From there I traveled to California, to another Teen Challenge, and from there to a ministry located in Florida working as a staff member. Despite my efforts, my old ways dominated, and I was backsliding again, and returned home to the city of Hastings, Michigan, where I grew up. From there I enrolled into another Teen Challenge in Flint, Michigan, was hired as a painter for a company and was doing well for a change, but ended up drinking and doing drugs once again.
This time around, I fell even harder than the time before, and further into sin. I ended up in a relationship with another man's wife which they both orchestrated, and was doing things that were never thought I would be doing, and this is what caused me to end up in here in prison. I was out of my mind, was not thinking straight and in too deep to realize it was too late. I've been running from God and the call He has placed on my life for a long time now. But, I can't run and hide anymore because, like Jonah, I'm in the Whale's belly. I've had a lot of people, from everywhere that I've lived, and in different states, tell me that God has a strong calling on my life, that there is a strong anointing on my life, that He is going to use me in a mighty way, and that He has a wife for me because He knows that is the desire of my heart to find the woman He has for me, get married and raise a family.
I don't see how this is all going to happen, since being sent to prison. Who is going to want to listen to someone that has been convicted of a crime and been locked away now? I've come to trust God that He is going to work everything out for His best laid plans for me in His time. I'm learning to be still and know He is God and that the battle ended in victory at the cross.
I still have my struggles, but I press on for and in Christ. God has been so good to me, merciful in all ways, and I continue to thank Him for everything... He is seeing me through the storm, He is my strength and my all in life. He has helped me forgive all those who have hurt me in my past, and He has helped me to ask forgiveness of those in my past I've hurt, and to love just as Christ loved me when I was so undeserving.
I just thank God or His Word and for all the revelation He gives me day to day, and over the years. I am learning to stand and believe Him and trust His Word that it will come to pass...Amen!
"THE 23RD PSALM"
(By: Rodney Armstrong, #314691/E-40)
This is my version of the 23rd Psalm and how it speaks to me:
The Lord He only
is my loving and caring Father;
and there is no other.
I am comforted in knowing that
He supplies all my needs;
He leads me to rivers
of living waters
He breathes His breath of
life into my soul;
He leads me in His paths of holiness
to bring glory to His name
Yea, though I walk through the shadow of darkness,
I will put my trust in you Lord;
For Your presence surrounds me;
And You are a shield about me.
You O Lord prepare me spiritually
amongst mine enemies;
You anoint me with Your Holy Spirit;
And I have an abundance without measure.
I thank God that His mercies and
goodness are never ending towards me;
And I will continue to run into God's
house and worship Him forever and ever...Amen!
PLEASE HELP SHARE THE BEST NEWS GOD HAS FOR EVERY PERSON!
"And this gospel of the
died for sinners] shall be preached in all the world for a witness
unto all nations; and then shall the end come."
(Quote from Jesus Himself: Matthew 24:14).
Consider how many children in "all the nations" have never heard YET what Jesus accomplished for THEM at the cross? PLEASE HELP SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS TO THE LITTLE CHILDREN!
To help us share the Best News every person needs to hear on this planet, randomly click FOR JESUS on just three (3) of the JESUS DID IT! links below. It will take just a few moments of your time. Please - thatís all you are asked to do. God will reward you! (Of course, be highly encouraged to forward one or more of these video clips to those who may have never heard what Jesus did for them on the cross ... or may need to be re-reminded).
JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT! JESUS DID IT!
JESUS DID IT! - or - JESUS DID IT!
(Please paste one of the above links onto your Facebook page - website - blog - video; etc.)
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