Real Life Stories - Chapter 14
I FELT HATED!
It seemed like the world was against me, and I did not understand why until I . . .Since I was a little girl about 7 or 8 years old, I always believed in Jesus, and that He died on the cross for us (you & me). I accepted and received Jesus as my Lord, and Savior. When I was young I lived with my parents in a neighborhood that didnít like my parents, my brothers, my sisters, or me. The neighbors, friends of neighbors, relatives of neighbors, and their children would say unkind, hurting words, and bad gossip about my family. My parents would try to reason with them, but they wouldnít reason with my parents. There was this neighbor that mostly lived all alone with her three children. I saw them play on their bikes, and had never really seen their dad except when he came home with his truck. I believe he was in the truck driving business. Her daughter and I were just becoming to be friends, but her mother told her daughter not to talk or play with me. Later, she told me that she couldnít see me, talk to me, or play with me anymore. My parents told all of us kids to stay in the yard or in the house at all times, and never to talk or trust them. So thatís what I did. At high school, Iíd talk to the girls, but theyíd just say hi when I said hi first, or they would act like they didnít see me or hear me. I didnít let them get to me. It was a 50/50 situation.
I graduated from high school. Four months later, I got married by the church. Iím thankful to Jesus, because in my prayers he gave me strength to walk down the aisle, still being a virgin in the presence of the Lordís house (church) to be married. My marriage wasnít always roses. We had our ups and our downs. The Lord Jesus gave me five children total within those years. Family relatives, in-laws, neighbors, neighbors friends, friends, and the neighborís kids started one by one everyday, and so on, mistreating my children and me. How? By being rude, cruel, unkind, made fun of us, saying unkind names, untrue gossips, and lies. I would try to reason with them and try to talk to them, but got laughed at, or it just got worse, or theyíll say: "Youíre hearing wrong; your making it all up; you just donít know what youíre talking about; I donít want to talk to you,: then call me a hurtful name. I even got spit in the face just for trying to put respect in order. I would wonder what did I do? Iíd cry myself to sleep. I would think to myself: Why?
Then they would treat me like nothing had happened. Theyíd talk to me nicely. In my heart, I would forgive them. Theyíd call or ask me to help them in whatever I could help. Iíd help them. Then in a month, it would happen. They would again be name calling if they didnít get their way. If they used me to help them in their needs or works, used me to show how to get things done, or help them to talk to a special person, or to understand them in their ways, instead of keeping the peace, they would be shameless and ungrateful. All this was done with love, and because I like helping others. I felt used, deceived, deserted, and desolate. They wanted to destroy me. I would cry and think these people are sick - or were they trying to make me sick. What is their problem? So I didnít want to talk to them, because I knew they would tell me to get out of their home, or just leave them alone. I just thought to myself, and decided not to be with them or anyone. Iíd ask myself: Why the children? Then I remembered of my childhood. I told my children: "Donít talk or listen to them; ignore them. Stay away from people who say lies, hurting unkind words, and children who lie, and do bad things too. Stay away from these people period." I would cry most all of the time, then I asked Jesus to help me with this problem of being repeatedly hurt.
In the month of July 2004, I was hurting in the inside of my heart, mind, and really couldnít control my crying and my emotions. I didnít let the children see me, but they knew something was not as I told them. Itíll be OK, because my voice wasnít clear enough. I told them to watch TV in the living room while I watched TV in my bedroom. They agreed. I told myself I needed to relax. I went to my movie collections. I thought of my Jesus. How I love Jesus with all my mind, heart, strength, and soul. I almost have all the movies of Jesus, even Bible story books. I made up my mind and decided Iíll watch one of my Jesus movies. It was: The Greatest Story Ever Told. While I was watching the movie alone in my bedroom, I was also thinking and talking to Jesus of what was troubling my soul and mind. I was crying very emotionally to Jesus to help me. I needed Him to give me an answer to my problems, because this problem was getting too big for me to handle.
I stopped crying for awhile and looked at my TV screen. I saw the back of a manís dressing a hooded robe. I really wasnít paying much attention, but I looked up at my TV quickly, because I knew all my Jesusís movies, and this one really just got my eyes and my mind. I was wondering in my mind: Why is that manís back facing the TV screen?
I looked around my bedroom to see that I was still in my bedroom. Yes, I was still in my bedroom. I looked quickly at my TV screen. I saw still the back of a manís back dressed in a robe, but what I also noticed is that my TV is a color TV, the movie is made in color, but the back of a man in my TV screen was in black and white. The man then turned sideways, and he walked a little, still his back facing me. I said, "What is going on? Who is he?"
The back of the man got better focused for me to see. He turned looking straight at me. I saw a man with black hair to his shoulder length. He had a small beard. My eyes were moving side to side, still wondering what he wanted. I looked at my TV screen this time, focusing on what this man was about. He moved, walking side by side, and then stood himself on top of a big rock. I asked myself, "What color is the robe?" My TV screen picture turned colors, because I noticed his robe turned red. I saw from his head to his feet a good size picture of this man. He was standing on a tall rock like almost next to a cliff, dressed in a red full-hooded robe. He was holding a wooden cane in his extended right hand. I felt he was telling me: "Look at me; know me now." I then realized this man was Jesus! Jesus looked at me. Then he looked at the sky. He got my full attention. I could see the sky turn red, and Jesusí eye moving up at the sky, then at me, up at the sky, and then at me.
I then said to him, ďWhatís going on, Jesus?Ē I wasnít afraid because I wanted to know what Jesus wanted me to know. I felt it in my heart. Jesus walked in my TV screen, and proved to me it wasnít part of a movie. This is serious. He told me this. "They hate you, because you belong to me. Remember that they hated me first. Theyíll hate anything that belongs to me. Iím not of this world, and youíre not of this world. When they persecute you, itís because you belong to me. Anyone who is mine, they will mistreat you. I was here once, and I wasnít welcome. Remember what I have told you."
I knew then that Jesus told me the truth, because my problem was that I knew in my heart and my mind, my questions were answered. I cry not of sadness, but of joy. I felt a big load of my problems lifted away from me. I also feel free, because I now understand the truth. The Bible says: John 8:32, And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.I go to church more than what I use to. This church is Jubilee Worship Center in Hobart, Indiana. I read my Bible everyday. If I donít read it, I feel I miss my friend. I pray everyday thanking the Lord Jesus, praising, loving Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and all my power and strength. I also love my neighbor as I love myself. I fellowship, service with other Christians in a church where Jesus is preached, and the Bible is the final authority, and I tell others about Jesus. I love hearing the Word of God, and I still hunger, and thirst to know Him. I am looking forward to His Kingdom that God is preparing for me in eternity. The Bible says: John 14:13-14: And whatever you ask in My (Jesus) name, that I (Jesus) will do, that the Father (God) may be glorified in the Son (Jesus). If you ask anything in My (Jesus) name, I will do it.
John 14:12: Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me (Jesus) the works that I do he (you) will do also, and greater works than these he (you) will do, because I (Jesus) go to My Father (God).In June 28, 2005, I was reading my Bible at 6:39 in the morning, and found the scriptures of what Jesus had told me on July 4, that He healed me, and gave me peace of mind. The Bible says: John 15:18: If the world hates you, you know that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you. A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for my nameís sake, because they do not know Him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. He who hates Me, hates my Father also. If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin, but now they have seen, and also hated both Me and My Father. But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law. They hated Me without a cause.
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