REAL LIFE STORIES - Chapter 20
I COULDN'T FEEL A THING
I couldn't feel a thing. My heart was cold as ice and was in no jeopardy of ever melting. I believed that you could trust no one and to keep your enemies real close so you could get them before they got you. Lustful desires and deeds were my specialty. I treated men like I believed they treated women, use them, abuse them, and lose them. You could have told me that my parents had died, and I wouldn't have shed a tear. All of this anger and hate at the tender age of 19, and it consumed my life for 3 years.
I woke up one morning from a horrible dream, I was 21 now and nothing in my life had changed. But this dream was the most horrifying dream I had ever had. It was a dream about me and I was being chased, chased by what my mind had conjured up as the devil, and when I woke up, it was right before he had grabbed onto the heel of my foot. I had never been that scared in my life. But after a few days I let it go to the back of my mind, never getting the true meaning of the dream or even caring if I did or not. I kept on living my life as before, a non-practicing Catholic, refusing to go to church because of disagreeing with man-made rules incorporated by the church. I believed in God, just not in practicing my faith at the time.
About a month later I met a man who would later be my husband and ex-husband. He went to church and invited me to go. I agreed, mainly out of curiosity, not that I felt I needed any spiritual uplifting. He was younger so I was with the youth group that first time on a Wednesday evening service. I was nervous only because I didn't know what to expect. Here I am, not living a moral life, and I am in church. Are the walls about to come crashing in? Once the service started, I started to shake a little, a feeling had come over me that I had never experienced in my whole life. I started to cry. I hadn't cried for anything in the past three years. What was going on? I felt for the first time in three years! I actually had emotions, which I thought I had pushed down so deep that they would never come up again. God was calling out to me and for the first time I was letting Him in. I was saved and baptized not long after, and experienced a wonderful year of growing and learning in the Lord.
Then I started to back slide. I got married and had a beautiful child, but my married life was a torment for me. It was a torment because it wasn't a marriage devoted to God. I got divorced and called on God to give me the strength I needed to carry on with my child alone. He blessed me with the strength and more. He blessed me abundantly with a church in which I could grow and live right, with the support of people who live for God fully. They don't care what you did in the past because they know everyone isn't perfect. They don't judge you. They take you into their arms and love you like God intended His people to love each other.I understand what my dream meant all those years ago. It was God reaching out to me and letting me know that if I didn't make a change if my life soon, I would be giving myself a permanent residence in Hell. I pray everyday now for God to open my ears, eyes, and heart so that I will always be able to hear from God in whatever way He needs me to. I once thought my life was a game. I had to be on top by whatever means possible, not caring who I had to hurt or what I had to do to get there. I had no emotions and had no moral standards, even though I knew what was right and wrong. It didn't matter. I did whatever brought me pleasure. I know now, that life was the wrong life to lead, and for someone who didn't have emotions, I was leading the saddest life of all. I live my life for God now. Even though everyday may bring some kind of trial or tribulation, I am thankful because I know God is working in me. Don't think that there is no one to understand you or this isn't for real. God is for real and through Him all things are possible.
Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. Either Jesus Christ died for yours sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you ... please don't make such a tragic mistake.
To get to know God; to be at peace with God; to have your sins forgiven; to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity; to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life.
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