Molested as a child, sex, drugs, men, sickness . . .
From age 2 until the summer before 6th grade, an older uncle molested me. The only reason it stopped was because we moved. When it starts that young you don't know much different. This led to a promiscuous lifestyle in my teens. I got into drugs also. I did everything to the extreme. I watched some overdose and die. I watched some become addicts. I was addicted to sex. I thought that was the norm. I had relationships that were unhealthy. If I got involved with a nice guy, I dumped him. I was only comfortable with an abusive man.I married a very abusive man. I got pregnant. I had the sense to stop all drugs and I had a healthy baby boy. I started the drugs again. For my son's sake I tried to get out of the marriage. When I started to take action to do so, my husband sort of straightened up and started being nice to me, just enough to make me want to try and work things out. I found myself pregnant again. I stopped doing the drugs again.
He went back to his old ways, going out with other women, physical abuse, verbal and mental abuse. I thought - ok - when I have this baby, I have to get out of this situation. I went to the hospital to have the baby and when my baby girl was born the doctor said, 'Wait a minute, I think there's another one!' Yes, I had twins, unexpectedly.
Thankfully I was blessed with healthy babies. I had a son that just turned 2 and 2 baby girls and in a very abusive marriage. We lived in a little duplex. My husband came home from work one day and said we were going to buy a house about 45 minutes away from a guy he worked with. I thought ok, if he gets away from his brothers maybe we have a chance. They were the top drug dealers in the area. I saw the house and it was a fixer-upper, but he was going to do the work. It had potential and we moved. But, he lived with a woman back near where we moved from and he never fixed the house. The kids and me lived 45 minutes from anyone we knew in a house falling apart and the wind blew through it. Half the time my car didn't run. No help from anyone with no sleep and 2 babies to care for and a toddler. He would stop by once in awhile to bring me money and want sex and usually beat me before he left. This was not working.
At the age of 9, I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I never knew what it was to know him personally and I had not attended church as an adult. But I had always felt somebody was looking out for me. There were many times I should have been dead due to drugs or beatings or some reason.
I started babysitting at home to make money as it made no sense to get a job, as a babysitter would cost as much as I would make. I also was growing pot in my basement as my supplier (my husband) was no longer around. I needed to feed my habit.
Then after the kids were in school, I started working outside the home. It took a long time to work myself into a decent paying job to support my family. When I look back, I just don't know how we survived sometimes. I had been dealing with a lot of pain over the years but I just dealt with it. I had been in and out of churches but didn't stick to it. I led a life of being a mom and then putting the kids to bed and a sitter coming over and going out and being a wild woman. Getting very little sleep sometimes if any, and again going to work and being mom and going out again. I led a life of partying for years.One place I worked, there was a man on a prison work, release program who had found Jesus, and he asked me, 'What was I going to do about Jesus in my life?' That question puzzled me. I had never thought about it. So I started going to church regularly and reading my Bible. I never knew the Bible said what it did. I looked at it as an adult not hearing what my mother yelled each day, it didn't say what she had said it did. I was learning for myself what God's Word really said. I turned my life over to Jesus! He delivered me from many addictions, from letting men use me and having control over me, from looking for love in all the wrong places, from drugs and drinking. I knew I had a Father in Heaven that loved me and I was forgiven and set free from my past. I was loved and free. My Heavenly Father filled all my needs! I was whole. Not empty. I lived a totally different life and left the old life behind me.
Eventually I even taught a Singles Sunday School class. I thought many times, God, you sure can use any willing vessel to use me. I was able to help many hurting women. I continued to grow in the Lord but I worked too much and still thought I was wonder woman and let the world take too much of my time. I continued to deal with pain and this health issue and this is what slowed me down and got my full 100% attention on God. I had a condition called Fibromyalgia, which got so bad I had to just give up and go on disability and medication. But I knew I had led a hard life and it was a miracle I was alive. If I was to continue in a body that was broken I just thought well that's what I get for living like I did. God had set me free years ago from a terrible past and He loved me. What more could I ask for? He was the best husband I ever had. I really had no needs. I had eternity with Him.Then my thoughts changed after continuing to read His Word. Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. I began praying for God to heal me and continuing to thank Him for all that He had done for me. I wanted to take back what Satan had stolen from me. I had not been the mom I had wanted to be and now I was not the grandma I wanted to be. I was a sitting, sick grandma that the grandkids had to be careful not to hurt. After praying this prayer for 4 years, a miracle happened on September 23, 2006; God healed me. Yes, that is right. Not only did He deliver me from all my past problems some years ago, but also He healed my body. In an instant I went from a sick body that could move very little or it would be in pain and laid up for days and was on 3 medications to doing it all and on no medications. I started losing the weight I had gained right away because I was moving around, doing things. I could play with the grandkids, pick them up, do what normal people did and pain free. I could exercise which I could not do in any form before.
There are many things I left out. I married and divorced again and again. I moved 32 times, had 22 speeding tickets, was raped, etc. I feel like I lived 20 lives before I finally turned my life over to Jesus. I was always swimming upstream, doing it all in my strength, being rebellious. I tell you when you give it all to Him and become obedient, He carries your load and it is easy when you do things in His strength. Oh to have given it to Him sooner. How different my life would have been. But no, I was stubborn, and I thought I had to do it, and I did about everything. I was worn out.He eventually restored all of me. I serve an awesome God.
Don't you want to know Him? I could tell you so much more that He has done for me.
MOLESTED AS A CHILD
Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. Either Jesus Christ died for yours sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God? We plead with you ... please don't make such a tragic mistake.
To get to know God; to be at peace with God; to have your sins forgiven; to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity; to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help understand the importance of being reconciled to God. What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one. Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life.
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